The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
