I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
