mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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