they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
