Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
