9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
