That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
