He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
