I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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