you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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