I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
