im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He better not be in your backpack
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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