man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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