You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
