Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
