I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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