You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
