I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
