We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
