please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she pinky promised me she was 18
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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