i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
