Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
