He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Dick very happy bro
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
