Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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