who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
