I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
