I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
