Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
this boner is exhausting
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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