Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
