That's when you crack a 10am beer
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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