We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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