At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize