I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
