I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
