Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize