its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she peed on how many people?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
