is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
