So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize