Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
