I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
