So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
dude. I can hear the air.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
