I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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