you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
