a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
