Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
