at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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