Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize