u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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