**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
