and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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