Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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