Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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