ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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