everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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