Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize