just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
