totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
