Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
