How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
