love makes seman taste better
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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