so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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