my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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