: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he shaved USA in his pubs
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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