Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
