Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
