My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
