Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
