I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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