I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize