god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
