I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
