Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
