I accidentally burped into my bong.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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