So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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