with your own penis?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
