kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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