Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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